I've been abstemious five whole days.. The fact that that is a big thing tells me a lot about myself; I used to shit on kids that had to relied on drugs and alcohol and "mind-freeing" substances to get through life, and I became one of those kids. I wasn't ever too bad though- I feel like that's what fucked with me. I never blew off a paper to hang out. I forgot about a paper. But I wasn't like ah fuck it.
In fact, I was kind of an over-achiever.
In fact, the kids that didn't over hear me talk about it or directly tell had no idea.
It didn't change me. I was less stressed and more forgetful. But other than that, i'm the same person.
I decided to quit for you though. And that won't mean jack to you. Because you will read this and all you'll care about is the lie, rather than the truth in this. Because you've pigeon holed me as a terrible person. I cannot change who you think I am.
But let me tell you this; I am sick of feeling that our friendship or whatever this is is some kind of retaliation towards me. All I ever feel from you is put down. All I ever feel is shit on. When I tried to talk to you last night I was in tears, literally sobbing my eyes out. Harmful thoughts. And you laughed at me. I can't do that. I know I was a bitch, I know what I did was wrong in a lot of ways. Do not use this as a chance to get back at me, because that is severely fucked up. I'm completely open with you and you shit on me for it. I can't handle that.
Book Club. Without even knowing it, you probably saved my life tonight.
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