You've had control, all the control, for way too long.
Everything I do, you come into play.
Every friendship.
Every class.
Every relationship.
How I interact with people.
How I over share.
How I'm afraid of you.
You have control, and I'm not okay with that.
I just don't know how to have the control.. Its been so long.
Maybe if I just could forget all about you.
Just erase you out of my life.
But it doesn't work like that.
I wish it did, but it doesn't.
I have to work through everyday trying to be okay with what you did.
You get to walk right past me everyday, look through me.
I have no respect for you.
I never will.
I'm sorry I talk about him so much.
He's just kind of destroying my insides and has been for awhile...
I'm so worried about you.
You messed up and you know that.
But you're going in the wrong direction.
You shouldn't be with him. He's distancing you from God.
Even I can see it.
Sure you're still really sweet and kind and listen..
But God's not really in control with you anymore..
I'm sorry, but it sucks for me to see that because I looked up to you in a spiritual way..
thank God for Meg <3
She gave me the push I'd been waiting for. The one I needed.
'She deals with kids with abuse in their pasts'
Thank you.
I'm excited to go to coffee with Jill.
Get to know her, see how we click...
If anything I need right now, I need a mentor...
Someone I can go up to and be like 'GAH HELP!'
Because I don't really have that now..
Ugh. This one's really long. Sorry for that I guess.
I have so much going on inside my head. Its like a whirlwind of emotions..
Like this blur of so many things that I don't know how I really feel anymore..
I'm sorry.. I'm trying.
But maybe trying isn't enough..
I'll try to work this out..
My dear, I know exactly how you are feeling. It's something that God can't do for us, erasing our memories from something that is unhealthy for us but it's our consequence. Our consequence for giving our hearts away from something or someone unrighteous in our plan that has been set long before the day you were born. For as Adoni Himself said that He knows the exact number of hairs on your head and that His thoughts about you outnumber the grains of sand on the beach. Its marvelous and completely unfathomable.
ReplyDeleteYour confession of the world controlling you has given you the key to open the next door in your path. Now, are you going to open that door which you can only obtain the strength by having Jesus control your life.The choice is yours sister.
I believe it was Paul who said that trying wasn't enough, forgive me if I'm wrong but for that matter, someone the Holy Book spoke of it and all words were of God Himself. His Word is true, grasp it and DO the work of the Christ who has specially called YOU to do.
May peace be with you,
Amen