Cookies.

I've been with Lauren for the past like three days.

There has been lots of food, lots of talking, lots of singing, not a lot of sleep.

She says my house is welcoming and relaxing.

It is if you don't live here.

To an outside eye this house, this family seems lovely, seems normal.

You wouldn't guess my mother loves her wine by the bottle, and nightly.

You wouldn't guess by his charisma that Dylan is a failure or that Ryan is over emotional. And me? What am I?

I'm swimming upstream. I'm terrified. I'm under pressure.

My mom keeps saying to me how proud she is. And thats awesome because that usually doesn't happen- but she calls me 'college girl' and tells me everyday that I'll be the first Gamblin to really go to college my dad's three weeks don't counts I guess.

What if I fail? What if I get there and freak out? What if I simply cannot handle it?

Who will be her college girl? Who will be the first Gamblin to go to college?

I'm not saying that I think I won't be able to handle college- I think I will. Its just whenever she says that I'll be the first I think there's a chance that might not actually be the case..

Dearest.

"I am now officially yours for how ever long you wish."
You don't even know<3

Here's a hand to hold on to.

"Take a little time, walk a little line,
Get the balance right.
Give a little love, Gimme just enough,
So that I can hang on tight."
-Lenka


There are things that I don't tell people.
Things about my past. I tell people whom I believe will a thousand percent will understand and support those things.
I know you would try to understand, and I know you would support. But I don't know for certain. There are fears I have because of the past, fears that will possibly never go away. Fears that you've seen already, but just don't make any sense to you right now...
If there were a protocol for this it would be so much easier. I want to tell you. But I'm being so overly cautious with you that I'm stopping myself. Bleech.
We'll see.

Accepted.

The word 'Congratulations' will probably never mean as much ever again as it did tonight.
Tonight I received my first acceptance letter from a college that is very high on my list.
Two years ago I didn't think college was possible.
Now its next year.
Congratulations.
I did it. I made it.
This is being proud of myself.
My chest is swollen with the knowledge that I overcame.
And I will achieve because I was believed in.

I swore to myself I wouldn't sing of love if it does not exist.

This made me smile.
You make me smile.
Even if this doesn't actually go anywhere, thank you.

"Just curious if I could make the cut.."
there is no doubt.

It doesn't have to be the same.

"I work and forever try, but I'm cursed so never mind
And it's worse but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb"
- Lil Wayne.

I don't care if you don't like Lil Wayne- but this speaks to me.
This is my life.
I try hard and get no where.
I know what I want and it can't be achieved.
Life's a bitch.