Epic. Failure.

a shadow.
That's all I feel like lately.
I exsist, but not in reality.
Why am I so sensitive?
WHAT have I stopped doing right?
Why can't I talk to You anymore?
Everytime I feel close, its ripped away from me. what is this?!
I can't handle this.
I felt right again.
for like a month.
now I'm just the shadow of myself yet again.
How could I let this happen?
WHY aren't you talking through them anymore? When you know that I hear You the most..
I miss You.
I need You.
What do I do to get close to You again?
I'm sorry I'm far away again..
Meet me half way?

I just want to have this documented.

God Is about to do something amazing in my life.
I don't know what.
I don't know when.
I don't know how.
But I trust Him.
THIS is what I was born to do.
THIS is what I was born to experience.
THESE are the people I was made to help.

God, Help me, help them.

This is big. Monumental.
I can feel it bubbling up inside of me.
:]
this is amazing.

Cause You traded your life for Mine..

Ohman.
You know how everytime something good happens to someone they go "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"
well. literally This weekend was the best weekend of my life.
God spoke directly to me ALL weekend.
HOW AWESOME?!
so awesome.

Holy Jeez.
My Fabulous Four.
God is so amazing for putting the four of you guys in my life.
AHHH! TODAY! so amazing!!
"Meg.. You don't have Downs?"
"Next saturday can we get fat?!"
BEAVER!
FLAMINGOOO!!!!
Not caring that everyones staring at us.
Barking at people.
Telling people Jesus loves them.
You guys are beyond the best.

LAUREN.
I.
love.
you.
SO MUCH!
you have no idea how much you mean to me. Honestly, everytime you text me is exactly when I need you.
You make me laugh until I almost pee.
SO many times I've texted you and been like. I NEED A SUPPORTING VERSE GO! and you shoot one right at me. You have no idea how much I love having you in my life. Jeez. To have someone that I can just call up and be like "I had a wicked awesome prayer time today' is so awesome. for me. I LOVEYOU
I'm so happy that I have you in my life to talk to about ... EVERYTHING.
I love you baby.

MEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
HOLY SMOKES!
How did I get by without you?! seriously?! HOW!?
your squidward face made me laugh so hard!
"is this a door? I thought this was a door?" You're like becoming my little sister and I love it.
Everytime I see you I just want to squeezzee you.
I'm so so SOOOOOO happy that your notboyfriend is making you happy. :]
I'm so happy you seek God as hard as you do.
I'm BEYOND happy to be so close to you.
i love you.

AURA BO BORA!
You. are. the. cutest. human. on. the. planet.
oh man.
sometimes you text me and I swear that it doesn't say "Aura" it says "STRAIGHT FROM GOD PAY ATTENTION"
You inspire me.
My Jesus Journal would have never exsisted without you.
ANd even when you didn't even know me, you sat with me for like an hour? just listening to me cry and tell you horrible things I've done.
and none of it even phased you. I was so amazed. You were exactly what I needed. a perfect stranger telling me that its totally okay.
I love you little one :D

I am Vindicated

Holy Moses.

I hate that you're so perfect for me.

I HATE IT SO MUCH.

I know in my head that you'll never EVER look at me the way I look at you.

But my heart doesn't EVER take that into consideration.

Its absolutely EVERYthing about you that makes my insides explode.

But its always girls who are terrible to you, never me.

Its always so-n-so's girlfriend.

I don't comprehend whats wrong with me.

I don't understand why it can't be me.

I don't get it, because I don't want it to be true.

You tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it.

You tell me secrets no one else knows.

But you can't love me like that..

I just want to hold you and watch a movie.

I want to kiss you and be able to say thta you were mine.

I want to cuddle you, because you're a huge teddy bear.

I swear if you knew half of what was going on inside my head, you'd never talk to me again.

"I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well"

I need to tell you everything.

I dont know why.

I'm pretty positive you hate me.

But I want to spill my guts out to you,

but I don't trust you as far as I could throw you.

You don't like me because of something I did about two years ago.

I'm a completely different person now.

Don't judge the person you think you know, because she doesn't exsist.

We should talk.

You don't want to.

But I do.

I don't hate you.

but you hate me.

This is The Start Of The Rest Of My Life

From Now On;

No Drugs.

No Sex.

No Meaningless Relationships.

No Swearing.

No Taking People For Granted.

Dating BEFORE The Relationship Part.

From now On;

I live for You.

I represent You.

I praise You.

I seek You.

I adore You.

I yearn for the day I get to meet You.

I love You with a passion that you can't compare

to anything.

:]

Adam. You have no idea how much I adore you. You're truly one of a kind.

You are my BEST friend. I love you so so dearly.

Thank You for putting up with me for so long.

Thank You for making me laugh until I can't breath.

Thank You for listening when no one else will.

Thank You for talking me down like 64853 times.

Thank You for helping me get back on my feet again.. and again... and again.

I owe so much of the person I am to you.

You're beyond amazing.

I love you :]

So you know in the moviess...

When the main character goes somewhere and then walks out and EVERYTHING is different?
That just happened to me in real life.
I don't want to go through the motions.
I love You<3

You're my BEST friend.

You're there for me when no one else is. You know what I'm thinking without having to ask.

There have been so many moments where I can tell that you see through all of my defenses. You mean the world to me, you really do. You have no idea how close to my heart you are.

I suppose thats the reason why I'm so in love with you. I really always have been. Every single time I see you my heart swells so huge that its likely to explode. And I can't get enough.

You're everything I've ever wanted in a person. I've always thought that we'd end up together, and I guess you've made it really clear that this won't be the case..

I guess I'm sorry.