Post Traumatic.

Last night I was with Daniel.
Things you have to understand before I continue: I feel safe with him, like safer than ever before in my life. I trust him, completely. I know he wouldn't ever hurt me.

There are symptoms of PTSD that still act up every once in awhile; I isolate myself, I freak out, I push Dan away(physically and emotionally), I make him promise and promise over and over and over that he wouldn't ever hurt me. And sometimes I can't be touched in specific ways. Not even exclusively sexual ways, just touches that bring me back there. Like how war vets hear fireworks and army crawl while yelling orders. If I'm grabbed a certain way or something rubs against me, I'll go into almost a catatonic state.

Last night Dan tried to kiss me big and grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me towards him. And I lost it. I was 13 again. But I was safe. I was with him and I was safe. He let me talk about it. He isn't like other guys who go "I'm going to kick his ass". He sat and held me really close and calmly.
"We all have to get through our pasts, but this is your present and you don't have to deal with your past alone anymore."
You're so much more than wonderful.