"I said it but I don't know what it is. I really do like you."
Thank you for demolishing me.
how can I be okay with you saying this?
so close to the edge.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I never thought that I could walk through fire.
as for your consistent flirting with other girls.
Fuck that.
When I bring it up I'm "jealous", have "no self-esteem".
But that's according to you.
According to me, its painful and scary.
And it makes me feel insignificant.
So thanks.
Fuck that.
When I bring it up I'm "jealous", have "no self-esteem".
But that's according to you.
According to me, its painful and scary.
And it makes me feel insignificant.
So thanks.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Cabin fever
I've been at my dad's house since Saturday, it is now Thursday.
I'm ready to leave.
I was ready to leave on Monday.
The thing isn't my dad though, its everything but my dad actually. Three dogs, a mentally challenged uncle and Ryan playing guitar constantly. My head is about to explode.
I'm stressed and anxious and want to go home.
And home is not here.
I'm ready to leave.
I was ready to leave on Monday.
The thing isn't my dad though, its everything but my dad actually. Three dogs, a mentally challenged uncle and Ryan playing guitar constantly. My head is about to explode.
I'm stressed and anxious and want to go home.
And home is not here.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Change The Voices in Your Head
And Make them like you instead
I near cry everytime I watch this video.
There are so many people I want to scream this to, even though they wouldn't here it.
There were so many times I was there. Every thought in my head about destroying myself..
So thats that.
I near cry everytime I watch this video.
There are so many people I want to scream this to, even though they wouldn't here it.
There were so many times I was there. Every thought in my head about destroying myself..
So thats that.
"You can get someone out of your mind.
Getting them out of your heart is another story."
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
I was just on Facebook and there's that column of people under "Friends"
And it was completely compiled of people that I've lost touch with, people that used to mean so so much to me, but are practically completely out of my life now.
And I wonder how that happens.
How someone who holds such a prominant place in your heart one day fades into the background over time..
Getting them out of your heart is another story."
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
I was just on Facebook and there's that column of people under "Friends"
And it was completely compiled of people that I've lost touch with, people that used to mean so so much to me, but are practically completely out of my life now.
And I wonder how that happens.
How someone who holds such a prominant place in your heart one day fades into the background over time..
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Post Traumatic.
Last night I was with Daniel.
Things you have to understand before I continue: I feel safe with him, like safer than ever before in my life. I trust him, completely. I know he wouldn't ever hurt me.
There are symptoms of PTSD that still act up every once in awhile; I isolate myself, I freak out, I push Dan away(physically and emotionally), I make him promise and promise over and over and over that he wouldn't ever hurt me. And sometimes I can't be touched in specific ways. Not even exclusively sexual ways, just touches that bring me back there. Like how war vets hear fireworks and army crawl while yelling orders. If I'm grabbed a certain way or something rubs against me, I'll go into almost a catatonic state.
Last night Dan tried to kiss me big and grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me towards him. And I lost it. I was 13 again. But I was safe. I was with him and I was safe. He let me talk about it. He isn't like other guys who go "I'm going to kick his ass". He sat and held me really close and calmly.
"We all have to get through our pasts, but this is your present and you don't have to deal with your past alone anymore."
You're so much more than wonderful.
Things you have to understand before I continue: I feel safe with him, like safer than ever before in my life. I trust him, completely. I know he wouldn't ever hurt me.
There are symptoms of PTSD that still act up every once in awhile; I isolate myself, I freak out, I push Dan away(physically and emotionally), I make him promise and promise over and over and over that he wouldn't ever hurt me. And sometimes I can't be touched in specific ways. Not even exclusively sexual ways, just touches that bring me back there. Like how war vets hear fireworks and army crawl while yelling orders. If I'm grabbed a certain way or something rubs against me, I'll go into almost a catatonic state.
Last night Dan tried to kiss me big and grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me towards him. And I lost it. I was 13 again. But I was safe. I was with him and I was safe. He let me talk about it. He isn't like other guys who go "I'm going to kick his ass". He sat and held me really close and calmly.
"We all have to get through our pasts, but this is your present and you don't have to deal with your past alone anymore."
You're so much more than wonderful.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
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