How We survive Is what makes us who we are.

So my entire summer has been a huge game of never ending catch-up, and I'm honestly incredibly done. I'm looking forward to school. To getting my license. To being a normal kid. but there's a pain inside of me, a scare. Once I can blend in, will I never be noticed again? Let me rationalize this. I have always been know by what kid of disorder I had or who I was with. I'm trying to break this cycle. Its gotten to the point where simply 'Miranda' isn't good enough. At least for me.

This past year was brutal on me.
I lost friends whom I thought I would have for the rest of my life.
Gained some.
and won some back.
I've come to understand that almost nothing I am is because of me.
it's always what I'm seen as, what I'm expected to be.
I'm a people please and I will fill any role anyone needs at any cost.

In the past two years I have been
needy
slutty
unneeded
taken for granted
loved.
lost.
completely hopeless.

I have all these moods in me all the time, and I don't comprehend how to deal with them anymore. They come and go and I'm left remaining, hollow. I'm just a case of who I was now. I'm a smile to mask my pain. I'm a 'hey, girl, hey' to mask a need to be loved. I'm an unneeded sexual comment to mask how empty I actually am. I don't know what I am anymore.

I pine for love, but push people away. I need someone to break my cast and help me gain back my strength. I would never ask that of anyone. ever. I may have found someone I can trust with that. I find them to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met. And they inspire me to be able to break out of my cast.

Let's start a brand new adventure.