This Too Shall Pass.

Ohmygosh.

I couldn't even explain how much I would like to punch something or someone.

I don't know why my heart beats a thousand times harder with you, its not something I can help.

I don't understand. I don't like you.

I shouldn't like you I mean.

Finals are almost over which means that school is almost over.

Which is amazing I cannot wait until I can sleep until two and then hangout with people until four in the morning. :]

ah summer<3

It would be nice to be so close to God and not be under a hardcore attack constantly.

Joshua 3:5

God told me to look at this verse during worship at Pulse and then when I got home everything in my life when to hell.. again.

So I freaked for about 15 minutes and then when I calmed down I went into my room and read the verse.

And here's what I got from it; God is surrounding me with chaos so He can purify me.

So I have to hold tough like one of those shells that holds on to the rocks in the ocean;

I need to cling to where I will be safe.

I will be hit by waves.

My life will be effected.

But my God will be there holding on to me too.

It'd be nice if you came to the rescue...

I think I'm going to join the Navy..

Not as a soldier, but as a nurse.

There's too much turmoil inside my skin to talk about right now.

But I will say this..

If I was dating someone and everytime I got really close with them, I got hurt and my life went to shit, everyone would tell me to break up with them.

Why is God different?

I get close and everything around me falls apart.

I don't want that to happen anymore.

Maybe I just want to walk away..

Done.

Giving up never felt so good..?

I was a bad kid I mean, I used to be a bad kid...
And I was really miserable.
But then I turned to God and presto; its supposed to be okay,
He won't give you anything you can't handle?

I can't handle half of what I go through.
Everything gets harder when I'm close to God.
So why be close to God?

I'm done.

So I'm going back to how it used to be.
The fun times.
When I had control.
When there wasn't any guilt.
Be disappointed
Disapprove
Don't care.
Whatever.
I've heard it all a hundred thousand times.

Dear You.

Stop Being So Adorable and Perfect For Me.
Thank You.
Miranda.

But actually.. please don't.
because I love the fact that you are who you are.
:]
Thats all.

Ick.

Wow..
Looking at the last post makes me even sadder and more angry at myself than I already am.
I was so completely unquenchable on fire for God NINE days ago and now I'm pittered out.
How does that happen?
I mean I wanted nothing other than to be on the street giving homeless people sandwiches and go home and just pray and sit in the presence of God..
And now I don't even have time in my day to think, to stop, to feel.
I start at seven and end at eleven. then I try to homework, make up and maintain a decent GPA.
Try to get into a decent nursing college to get a good job...
And my mom telling me how I'm not ready for college when I'm tired from working a twenty hour week at IHOP and a thirty five hour school week.
I keep telling myself I can handle this but maybe I can't..
I want to go back to that place where I could pray and feel God..
sighh.
the more I seek You..

Thank You Greggory, Jose' and Prison guy..

oh and Cam, Meg, Paul, Issac, and Steph..

for getting me completely 5829856302358% addicted to minstry.

I now live for this.

What God can do through six teenagers and sandwiches.. Amazed me today.

Ohman dude.

It was like a rope attached to my Spirit was pulling me along to who I was supposed to see.

Even when prison guy started swearing I wasn't afraid or nervous..

God was there.. how could I have been?

I just can't even get over this life, this testimony; All for His glory.

I started doing my Jesus leg thing when we were standing around after..

:]

I only do that when my Spirit is completely on fire.

Like it was today.

I can feel myself being sculpted into the person whom God has designed me to be.

I can feel my earthly self melting to the floor.

I never want it to come back.

This is who I am.

I Am Your's.

I don't know the person I once was.