I am The Luckiest.

So you know that moment where after you say "I don't believe in_____" or "______ doesn't exist/isn't possible" etc. and then two weeks later you're ass deep in whatever ______ is.
I guess past experiences and letdowns and stumbles and family situations had made it impossible for me to believe that two people can be happy together. Even if they had everything in common, even if they were "perfect" for each other. I didn't really believe that you could be made happier by someone else. I still believe you have to make yourself happy first, don't get me wrong, but now I believe that sometimes someone can come into your life and not exactly change everything, but change your views on things, make you think about things in a different light.
But I'm happy. In fact, I'm not being pessimistic that much. (Which is crazy because I am the queen of negative thoughts.)
But I'm going to college. Granted i'm not going that far, but i am leaving him behind. We had a college talk that went kinda like this:
"hey please don't fall in love with a crazily attractive girl who likes Japanese cartoons and collects action figures"
"I couldn't even think of it"

it'll be okay. it'll be okay. it'll be okay. it'll be okay.

I wonder..

So this just kinda happened in my head.

I wonder sometimes how many 12 year old girls watch MTV and then damn themselves for not having six packs, or DD cup breasts. I wonder how many of those girls starve or binge themselves to the verge of death to make it feel better.

I wonder how many boys watch movies where hitting women is okay, or watch porn where the female is choked, slapped, beaten, gang banged and develop the thought process that girls are okay to hit.

I wonder how many kids in broken homes feel like they need to do anything to be loved. I wonder how many of those kids grow up to be the abuser or the abused. Emulating their parents' insanity.

How many girls are taken advantage of and grow up too fast or destroy their bodies through self mutilation or throwing themselves towards abusive men.

How many lives are destroyed, dismantled by what someone saw when they were young? How many lives could have been saved by preventing that or simply being on the other side of a phone. How many people would you save if you thought you could help them?

Maybe people have to look outward instead of examining their own pain constantly.

Excuse me

while my past ruins my present.